Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright is an US comedian and actor. His quotes are pretty funny and clever! Enjoy :)



All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. OK, so what's the speed of dark? I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I intend to live forever. So far, so good. It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." You can't have everything. Where would you put it? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.